Thomas Gray to Horace Walpole, [17 November 1734]

If I should undertake to prove to you, that everything is Tobacco, it might be looked upon as an Absurdity after the revrd & learnd Dn Swift has made it so manifest, that every thing is a Pudding: but I conceive it will not be so difficult to shew, that Tobacco is every thing (at least here) for there is not a soul in our Colledge (a body I should say) who does not smoke or chew: there's nothing but Whiffing from Fellow to Sizer; nay, even the very Chimnies, that they may'nt be thought partic'lar, must needs smoke, like the rest: whilst unfashionable I labour thro' clouds of it, with as much pains, as Milton's poor Devil took, when he travel'd through Chaos:–but, as to the Guzzling affair, you mistook in thinking it was the Old fellows, that were with me; no 'twas a thousand times worse; they were all young ones–do but imagine me pent up in a room hired for the purpose, & none of the largest, from 7 a-clock at night, till 4 in the morning! 'midst hogsheads of Liquor & quantities of Tobacco, surrounded by 30 of these creatures, infinitely below the meanest People you could even form an Idea off; toasting bawdy healths & deafned with their unmeaning Roar; Jesus! but I must tell you of a fat Mortal, who stuck close to me, & was as drunk (as Miss Edwards–which story I'm afraid by the by, was too well-fancied, to be real) well! he was so maudlin & so loving & told me long Stories, interrupted by the sourest Interjections, with moral Discourses upon God knows what! that I was almost drunk too: oh–I must just beg lea[ve to men]tion one more, who, they tell me, has no fault, but that, he's a little too foppish & talks like a London-Rake; this fine Gentleman is quite master of the Spectator & retails it for ever; among the rest, he gave his humble Opinion of the present state of the Play-house; that Stevens had a very graceful Motion, spoke well, &c, but that he must needs give his Voice for Mr Quin; Mrs Thurmond too was in great favour with him: as for the Opera's he could not understand them, but had heard Margaretta & Nicolini highly commended by those, that were judges: by God, says another, those Opera's are the ruin of the nation; no honest people can go to 'em, & those, that do, are ashamed of themselves; else why should they go in Masques & Disguises thither–no body in the company found out his blunder, so no body laugh'd but I, which was taken for applause. you'll think it a strange compliment, when I tell you how often I thought of you, all the while: but will forgive me, when you recollect, that 'twas a great piece of Philosophy in me, to be able, in ye midst of Noise & Disturbance, to call to mind the most agreeable thing in nature: when you could give me so much Pleasure, absent; what must you do, when with me? tho' perhaps its policy in you to stay away so long, that you may increase my Desire of seeing you: in your next send me word, how soon you design, to come to the relief